i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
