Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
