Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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