On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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