just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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