Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
