I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
