how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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