he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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