I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
