I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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