You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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