She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
