that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
