I wish my penis had an off switch
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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