i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
