If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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