jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
