The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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