I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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