True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
