Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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