I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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