This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
