I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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