my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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