he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
