My first STD was from a foam party
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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