Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
