An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
