Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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