No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
