So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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