Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
