Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
