I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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