We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
