I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
