Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
