he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
