if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
