trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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