just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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