the condom got lost in my hair
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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