I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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