I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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