So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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