people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
