too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
