you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
