I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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