I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You ruined the universe
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
