I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
