dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
