I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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