Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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