Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
