You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
