Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
id be glad to
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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